Once I Swallowed a Quarter


I'm about to tell you a disturbing story about my juvenescence stupidity. And I will describe it in third person because it will (slightly) make me feel better.

Once upon a time Amanda Claire Yancey swallowed a quarter.
Yes, 25 cents slid down her little 7-year-old throat.

She had a friend spend the night that fateful night and they were telling stories in the dark and she found a quarter on her bed and played with it... in her mouth.
As, she was telling a ghost story to her friend, she accidentally swallowed the quarter.
And it hurt.

Now, I bet you are thinking: Quarters are large... so, how could she accidentally swallow one?
And here is where I give the ambiguous answer of: God works in mysterious ways...

Her blue eyes widened in terror after realizing what just happened.
Her friend asked "Then what happened?" because remember she was telling a story.
Amanda replied with: Hold on, I need to go ask my mom something really quickly.

With discomfort in her chest, little Amanda slipped out of her room and scrambled down the hallway into her mother's.
Her mother was in bed with a book in hand, which she placed into her lap once she saw her daughter.

Mother: Hi sweetie.
Amanda (shyly): Hi.
Mother: Something up?
Amanda: I have a question.
Mother (looking at her daughter suspiciously): Ok...
Amanda: If a person swallowed a quarter... um... could they die?
Mother (eyebrows furrow): Amanda what possessed you to swallow a quarter?
Amanda (voice squeaking now): It was an accident! Am I going to die? Do I need to go to the hospital?
Mother: No, it will pass.
Silence. Amanda is squirming. 
Amanda: Am I going to pee it out?
And since Amanda's mother is evil she responded with: Maybe.
Amanda (crossing her legs and crying now): Nooooooooo, that's gonna hurt.
Mother: Yes it will... a lot.

For the next couple of days, Amanda, of course, searched her feces for that blasted quarter.
And... for a while... the quarter was not to be found.

Until, one afternoon, she was at a friends house...

Amanda was in great discomfort that day and rushed to the bathroom.
Constipation is not something to laugh at.

Friend: You ok? You're taking forever in there.
Amanda (thinking): Yeah, it's because I'm pooping out this dang quarter! 
Amanda (grunting): Um, yeah, uh, I'll be out in... a minute.

And then finally after what felt like forever... RELIEF!
She stood up and saw the quarter.

And the best part?
She did not die.

THE END.

Blog to you later!
Love,
Manders

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