Creating and Deleting


I don't think I'm alone in cringing when reviewing something I created years ago, whatever that creation might be: a blog post, Facebook post, a YouTube video, a story, or even a picture of myself during middle school because that, too (my identity), was something I was in the process of creating.

Yes, this is a middle-school-aged picture of me at camp...
Most the time I just want to hit DELETE or toss my writings in the trash, but as I mature over time I've come to truly appreciate my older creations. It's interesting to see how I conceptualized the world during certain periods of my life. Like for instance, during my back surgeries (an incredibly hellish point in my life), I was surprised/not surprised to discover that I had a great sense of humor. Sure, I vented about my frustrations and certain words are blurred from tears that fell onto the pages, but I was also funny and even joked about all the craziness in my life. It makes me really proud of my sixteen-year-old self, to know how optimistic I was.

Then there are moments in my past journals that make me not so proud, especially when I find something rather hateful I said. It's embarrassing to realize that version of me ever existed. These are the kinds of things I'd love to burn, erase, make disappear forever.

But here's the thing: While I can destroy these documentations, the fact that that version of me existed at one point in time can never be erased. It happened and there's nothing I can do about it.

So I just have to accept it, move on, and be happy about who I am now and how that, too, will evolve over time.

I write this because it's scary to create and to put yourself out there. I've been thinking about this frequently as I work on The Be Ok Blog and plan other future creations (such as a second novel, YouTube channel, and heck, even graduating college).

I just want to encourage you not to delete and instead continue to create. It's quite unfortunate sometimes because I'll think too much about what I did or didn't do in the past--wishing I could delete something--and it takes time and energies away from my present and what I could be creating. Still mastering this.

Here are some videos I wanted to share with you on this subject:

Blog to you later!



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